Are You The Only Person In The World Who Isn’t Getting Pregnant?

Baby Making MindsetHave you noticed that the longer you’ve been trying to get pregnant, the more the people there are around you who are getting pregnant?  Until, suddenly, you’re surrounded by friends and family, just about all of whom are expecting.

And, have you wondered – screamed from the rooftops even – “Why not me?”  Why, when you’re trying so hard, should everyone else be getting pregnant?  Why is it that you can’t walk down the street without noticing how many women are pregnant?

Have you ever felt like that?

Does it cause you to feel depressed, alone, isolated?  Do you feel that life is treating you unfairly?  Do you wonder if you’ll ever get pregnant?

Well, have you considered that you’re attracting all that pregnant energy?  And it may be that it’s you who’s next in line.   After all, if you’re drawing all that pregnant energy towards you, it may just need a little re-direction to find you next.

Here are three ways to attract that pregnant energy to YOU:

  1. Be grateful for what you’ve got.  Take some time out every day to be grateful for what you have – and write it down.  Gratitude helps you to feel blessed and abundant, rather than blighted and anxious.  And the more grateful you are the more blessed and abundant you will feel and you will then begin to draw that into your life.  Oh, I know, it all sounds really New Age, but counting your blessings has been used for thousands of years to restore flagging spirits (check out any Bible).  Just give it a try and see how you feel, if it’s not resonating with you then you can stop, but you’ll never know how well it might work unless you give it a shot.
  2. Get ready to receive.  How much joy can you take in your life – a bucket full or a thimble full?  If you want to know how ready you are to receive, just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a stadium with 10,000 people.  There’s a thrum of voices as those 10,000 people chat.  You walk to the centre of the stage and look out at the audience and you stand there until the noise abates and there’s absolute silence.  You introduce yourself – “Hello, my name is ……..” and wait.  The audience begin to applaud.  They’re applauding you, not for any reason, not for anything you’ve done, but just because you’re you.  The applause increases in volume and the audience begin to rise from their seat.  You’re getting a standing ovation from 10,000 people just for being you.  The applause continues ………. and continues ………………. and continues……….. 1 minute ……… 2 minutes …………. 3 minutes ……………… 4 minutes ………….. 5 minutes.You’ve being given a standing ovation for 5 minutes.  How does that feel?  Do you get uncomfortable just standing on stage?  How quickly do you want to leave the stage after the applause begins?  How much recognition and joy are you ready to receive?
  3. Absorb the baby making energy.   If you feel surrounded by pregnant women, draw that pregnant energy towards yourself.Imagine yourself in the centre of a circle of pregnant women.  Notice the glow that seems to emanate from them.  What colour is it?  Is it dense or light, warm or cool?  Now see yourself surrounded by that pregnant glow.  Feel yourself protected and safe within this pregnant glow.  And notice how the glow of pregnant energy begins to move towards you from all directions until it encompasses your whole body.  How do you feel being cloaked in this pregnant energy?  What emotions are present?  Are there any feelings of discomfort or discord?  If there are, turn your attention towards those and allow them time and space.  Hold your attention on them, without trying to change them or making any judgement of them until you notice them dissipate and disappear gently and totally.  Now how do you feel?  Thank the pregnant women who encircle you and allow them to fade away, leaving you surrounded by their pregnant glow.  Now draw that pregnant glow towards you until it forms a cocoon around you.  This cocoon of pregnant energy around you will act as a magnet for pregnant energy, directing all future pregnant energy towards you.

Give these three techniques a try and tell me how you get on.

Boost Your Chances Of Getting Pregnant

Impove Your Chances

If you’re trying for a baby, you’ve probably taken some steps to improve your chances, but can you do more?

Most couples do some internet research, although too much information – especially if it’s conflicting – can be as much a blessing as a curse.  Books have similar advantages and disadvantages.

Complementary therapies are popular – especially Reflexology and Accupuncture – and some couples are very keen to follow a strict nutritional regime, in an attempt to create the best physical environment for conception.

Nutritional supplements are also very popular, but which ones and how do you know they’re right for you?  It can all be very confusing.

Ovulation kits can be very helpful, because women’s cycles can vary, so it’s useful to eliminate the guesswork – as long as it doesn’t all become a bit obsessive.

The one thing that most couple’s probably don’t do is focus on their state of mind.

Unexplained infertility can be a very upsetting condition, especially if the woman is over 35.  As time goes on, and nothing happens, the ticking of the clock seems to get louder and louder.  The emotional highs and lows of hope and disappointment every month can become very stressful.  And stress is not a helpful physical en
vironment for conception: it can knock hormones out of balance and deplete the immune system.

Managing your mental and emotional state will have a knock-on effect on boosting your physical state.  Also, getting pregnant happens unconsciously, so it’s important to make sure your thoughts and actions support your desire to get pregnant.

Is there any part of you that’s nervous about having a baby?  Are you positive or doubtful about your ability to conceive?  Is there room in your life and your home for a baby – if work and social life take up your every moment, and if the spare room is full of junk, you may want to consider what message that’s sending to your unconscious mind.

Keeping a positive outlook may be easier said than done, but it is possible, and not only will it make the journey to getting pregnant much more bearable, but it might even improve your chances of getting pregnant.

So, when you’re considering all the things you might do to improve your chances of getting pregnant, don’t forget to manage your mindset.

Do You Have A Fertility Plan B (And C)

I’ve spoken in thePlan, A,B,C past about the power of the mind to change your reality, the big question is HOW do you do it.

Strategies such as: focusing on results; insisting on an outcome; being determined that you won’t stop until you reach your goal; and being very specific in what you want, can all help immeasurably to lead you towards your goal.

But sometimes we try too hard!  And we can want something so much, that we get in the way of our own natural process.  If we are following the natural process it should feel light, easy, flowing and effortless.  We need to be detached from our outcome to allow it to manifest easily and effortlessly.

The moment we try too hard, the extra effort we expend, stops the flow of effortless energy and manifestation.  It’s a bit like the racing driver, who wants a quick start, and puts too much power on the accelerator and ends up spinning the wheels and going nowhere.

So, how do you avoid trying too hard, having too much focus, being too determined and ending up just being obsessed?

Well you might want to look at having a Plan B (and C).

It may seem that having a Plan B and C, will undermine that sense of determination, insistence, focus.  To some extent that may be true, but it will also give you a much more relaxed attitude and the proper degree of detachment from your Plan A.  Having a Plan B and C is much more a reflection of life.  We don’t run our life on a straight line (or most of us don’t).  We respond to the vagaries that life throws before us, we review opportunities when they arise, and take them if they lead in the direction we favour.

Why have a Plan B and a Plan C?  Why 2 alternative plans?  The answer to that is simple: if you have only one plan you give yourself no choice; two plans give you a dilemma (and that creates tension); but three options gives you real choice.

So, I’d invite you to sit down today – together, and work out your Plan B and Plan C.  And turn them into futures that you can really embrace and commit to.  They want to excite your imagination and passion and lead you to a life that will be fulfilling.  And your plans need to address the elephant in the room – what if you don’t get pregnant?  Will you look at alternative family building avenues?  How will you live a full and useful life?

All your plans – A, B and C – want to be written down, and fairly detailed about WHAT you want and WHY you want it (how you get it is not as important).  If you’ve not already done this with your Plan A, do it now and then follow on with Plan B and C.  Then store them all away somewhere and forget about Plan B and C.

You can then turn your attention to manifesting your Plan A in the knowledge that you’ve created real choice for yourself while at the same time creating the detachment which is so important if you want to manifest your dreams.

So, go get that pen and paper now and start planning.

Do Good Intentions Get You Down?

Do Good Intentions Get You Down?

Does helpful advice make things worse?

You’ve hit a bad patch: maybe you’ve had some bad news that makes you feel you’ll never get pregnant.  Or you’ve just run out of energy to be hopeful.  Does it drive you mad that the people who care for you most are trying, with the best of intentions, to be hopeful for you and to cheer you up?

You know that they want the best for you, but why can’t they just recognise your pain and be with you in that pain, instead of wanting to fix the situation?

Well you probably know that already.  It’s painful to watch another person suffer and not be able to do anything to make the pain better.  So your pain, is their pain.  And all the cheering comments and encouragement to look on the bright side are designed to lessen the pain – for you and for them.

And it’s not quite like a bereavement, where outsiders can identify with and share the loss: where there’s a sense of communal pain.  This is your pain.  And parents, by definition, won’t really know what you’re going through (unless of course, they’ve gone through it themselves).

It may drive you mad to listen to all the platitudes, but if you are able, cut them some slack – they’re doing their best, just as you are.  It’s hard to sit with someone in distress and just be there for them: the temptation to try and fix things can be overwhelming.

And sometimes their words may make things a bit better for you.

But you may also choose to explain that you only need a sympathetic ear and that you don’t expect them to make you feel better, that you need time to process and work through the pain before you can get to a point of feeling better.

And perhaps, you may also recognise that your anger and frustration reflect how you feel about your situation, as well as how you feel about other people’s responses.

It’s hardly fair, but one of the challenges of the situation you find yourself in, it to manage the people around you as well as to manage your own responses to your circumstances.  It’s not fair at all, is it?

Healthy, Happy And Pregnant – Just Imagine!

Happy, Healthy and Pregnant - Just Imagine

Happy, Healthy and Pregnant – Just Imagine

If you’re worried that there is a physical problem that’s preventing you from conceiving, it’s understandable that positive thinking and visualisation might seem like a waste of time, but if the following exercise works for you, you may just change your mind.

Anything and everything we say about the future if a big, fat lie.  The future doesn’t exist yet, so we can’t know what will happen until it actually happens.  We may know the most likely outcome, but it’s not a fact until it actually comes about, and so there’s always some level of uncertainty.

Now, we tell ourselves big fat lies about the future, all the time – it’s natural.  We create scenarios about what we think might happen, and more often than not, those scenarios that we have imagined become the reality.

What photo albums, slideshows or movies are you creating about your future?

After all, if the future doesn’t exist, and everything you project into the future is a lie, you might as well tell big, fat, helpful lies, that anticipate what you want.  All too often, we tell big, fat lies that are the opposite of what we actually want.  But life will be much more comfortable if you’re imagining a future in which you get everything you want.

Why not sit down right now, this very minute, and write down a list of what you want over the next year.  Really go for it! It doesn’t matter if you can’t imagine how it might happen – the object of this exercise is just to list your heart’s desires.

Now take a bit more time and get nice and relaxed.  Go into a daydream state and imagine how it would be if you realised each of these dreams.  Take each desire and imagine: how would you feel?  What would you be saying to yourself and others?  What would others be saying to you?  Imagine a picture of you having realised your dream – make the picture bright and closer and then turn the picture into a movie.  Give your movie a soundtrack.  Imagine yourself as the star of the movie, taking part, looking through your own eyes.

Once you’ve done that, sit down with a pen and paper and write a letter to your best friend and supporter – the person who would be most pleased to hear that you had realised your heart’s desires.  Write the letter as if you hadn’t seen them for a year and were telling them all the wonderful things that have happened to you in the past year.

Keep the letter and look it out again in a year and see how much has changed.  Of course, if you’ve read this, but haven’t taken the time and effort to actually DO the exercise, you may not be quite as successful.

WARNING: This exercise may work better than you expect, so make sure you ask for what you really want!

Something to remember when doing this exercise: getting pregnant is only the first step in having a healthy baby, so make sure you envisage not just getting pregnant, but also having a healthy and happy pregnancy within a loving relationship, having a trouble free birth and a strong healthy baby, not to mention staying fit and healthy yourself!

Can You THINK Yourself Pregnant?

human thinkingIf you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while (even a short while), you may find your emotional state is all over the place ……

  • swinging from hope to disappointment every month
  • impatient and wondering if it’s ever going to happen for you
  • jealous as you see other – perhaps less deserving women – get pregnant easily … by accident even!
  • isolated from friends and family if you’re not wanting everyone to know that you’re trying for a baby
  • frustrated as all you seem to notice now is mums with children and women with HUGE pregnant bumps (looking happy and radiant).

Emotionally you will probably have visited all of the above and more, much, much more.

And have you noticed that they’re all NEGATIVE emotions.  And holding these negative emotional states will put you into a negative state of mind.  And if you’re holding a negative state of mind, you’re body is likely to be listening.

Getting pregnant happens unconsciously, which means you have to harness the power of your mind at a deep, unconscious, level.

Wanting, hoping, deciding to get pregnant are states of the conscious mind.  Knowingness and certainty (especially in the face of evidence to the contrary) are states of the unconscious.

Your unconscious mind runs your body, so harnessing the power of your unconscious mind is vital if you want your body to do anything.

Knowing and expecting that you’re going to get pregnant somehow, some day, is a much more powerful state than hoping you’ll get pregnant.

There’s lots of anecdotal evidence of women trying to get pregnant then, as soon as they:

  • go on holiday
  • adopt a child
  • focus on a career move, new house, special project
  • stop trying and resign themselves to the fact it’s not going to happen,

they get pregnant!

Your thinking may not actually cause you to get pregnant, rather, it’s more likely that it can lower your chances of getting pregnant.  Wanting and needing are disempowering states of mind and often cause you to focus on what you DON’T want, causing you to attract more of what you don’t want, rather than what you do want.  So, make sure you harness the power of your unconscious mind to support what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

And how do you do that?  Well it may be a slightly different process for each individual, but there will be certain common features: learn to relax and visualise; remove any mental and emotional barriers to getting pregnant; make sure your belief system supports your desire to get pregnant; and focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

Having your mind and body working together in harmony to support your efforts to get pregnant, will not only make the journey much more pleasant, but it may actually make your results more effective.

So, to answer the question, “Can you think yourself pregnant?”, the honest answer is, nobody really knows.  All the negative emotions associated with TRYING to get pregnant can certainly be stressful and that stress may have a significant impact on your hormones, creating imbalances which may contribute to reduced fertility.  Having a positive mindset will make the journey more bearable and you never know, it might help you get pregnant sooner.


Is It Selfish To Want A Second Baby?

children holding handsI had someone ask me recently, if I thought she was being selfish for wanting a second baby.  She had already given birth to a little girl when she was 38 and now, at 40, she really wanted another child.

Her daughter was very precious, and she had thought when trying for her first baby: “could she just have one”. Now she wasn’t content with just one.  Was she being selfish?

Lots of women have difficulty having one child and here she was getting stressed because she wanted another child – and the clock was ticking!  She really did feel very selfish.

She already had a child, was happy enough at work and had a great relationship with her husband.  Why couldn’t she just be satisfied?  Wasn’t it greedy and selfish to want another child, especially when other women were having such a hard time just having one?

But when she saw her daughter, she longed to give her a brother or sister: a sibling to connect to and share with.

Well, it’s a good question.  Is it selfish?

For me, babies and children bring us love and joy (and lots of work and responsibility and sleepless nights – but who cares!).  And just as importantly, they give us an opportunity to share our love.  How can it be selfish to want to bring more love and joy into the world?

What do you think?


Trying To Conceive – It’s Not All Doom And Gloom

It’s easy to find plenty of doom and gloom in the media regarding the odds of getting pregnant if you’re 35 or over. In fact, I’m now beginning to notice that the age is coming down to around 30.  Is it just scare-mongering and hysteria? Certainly as far as the media goes, scare stories sell, so it’s not surprising that there’s a constant flow of stories about how difficult it is to get pregnant if you’re in your mid to late 30’s.  And obviously the science supports the fact that the older you are, the more problematic getting pregnant might be.

However, I think it’s gone too far.  What began as a reasonable and benevolent attempt by the medical community trying to encourage women to think about getting pregnant at a younger age, has been whipped into a frenzy of scare stories and panic by the media.  Bad news sells and the worse the news, the better it sells.

There are plenty of success stories out there, so don’t let the media and statisticians make you downhearted.  The more you absorb all that negativity, the more you are unconsciously programming your mind to create problems – problems that may not even exist.

I was doing a bit of research on this and discovered a story about AH from London.  She had problems with her ovaries and her husband had problems with his sperm.  They were told that the chance of them conceiving naturally was one-in-a-million.  They had three cycles of IVF – all unsuccessful and expensive – and then AH was told she was under threat of redundancy.  As you might imagine, her savings spent and her job on the line, she had to shift her focus from trying to conceive to staying in employment.  Then she discovered that she was pregnant – she now has two children.  AH is reported to have said, “Each time I’ve stopped thinking about it, I’ve got pregnant”.

So two lights of hope to this story:


   *   It is sometimes possible to buck the odds

   *   Sometimes not trying is more powerful than trying really hard

May I suggest that you consciously seek out good news stories about couples getting pregnant against all odds.  It could help you feel more optimistic and positive.

Good luck on your baby making journey and if you’d like some support along the way, check out the Baby Making Mindset Club.