How Do You Deal With Disappointment?

It’s inevitable that trying to conceive will involve some measure of disappointment, because only 20% of couples are likely to conceive on the first attempt.  And the more months that pass with you not becoming pregnant, the more disappointed and dispirited you may become.  It’s difficult to ignore or escape from the disappointment, because there’s a monthly reminder that you’re not where you’d most love to be.  So how do you deal with disappointment?  Here are a few tips. 

  • Have realistic expectations.  If you’re under 35, give yourself a year to get pregnant before you begin to think there may be anything amiss.  It really can take some couples some time to conceive, even if they’re trying really hand, paying attention to timing, etc.  Don’t give yourself a hard time, don’t panic, and trust that the odds are on your side.  If you’re over 35, give yourself six months before you think about seeing your GP.
  • Don’t take it personally.  The fact that it may be taking you a while to get pregnant is a fact of nature, not a cause for blame or recrimination.  Everyone’s different, so don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Be patient.  Park any worries or anxieties you may have – decide on a date for action if you haven’t become pregnant and until then, just let go of your thoughts of getting pregnant and focus on something else.
  • Rest.  If you do get your period, give yourself permission to rest and nurture and preserve your energy.
  • Think about renewal.  Menstruation is a time of cleansing in preparation for renewal.  By day 5 of your cycle the endometrium is 2mm thick.  This new growth takes energy, so give yourself time during menstruation to retreat and allow your body to regenerate.
  • Accept.  Recognise and accept the changes.  Allow yourself, if you can, to release the hope and expectation that your last period raised. It’s natural and human to be disappointed when your period arrives, but holding onto that disappointment blocks the influx of new hope.
  • Be hopeful.  A new cycle brings renewed hope and anticipation.  There’s nothing wrong with being hopeful, provided you don’t hold onto that hope too tightly.

Think about holding onto your desire to get pregnant lightly and hopefully.  Too much intensity of emotion about your desires can be counter-productive: when we hold our desires too tightly, we stop them gathering energy and creating form.

Now, it you’re trying to conceive, none of the above suggestions are easy to do.  Pick one and work with it until you can be comfortable that you’ve mastered it and then you can move onto another to practice.  As you work your way through the list, you’ll find that it becomes easier, regardless of where you’ve started.

Good luck and if you’d like to join a community of women who are supporting each other though the emotional ups and downs of their fertility journey, check out the Baby Making Mindset Club.