Unexplained Infertility – Does Not Knowing Drive You Mad?

mad faceThe most common cause of infertility is unexplained infertility, accounting as it does for around 30% of infertility problems. Unexplained infertility means that, after investigations, doctors cannot find any medical problem causing infertility.  Is it driving you mad, not knowing what might be stopping you from conceiving?

You’ve been to the doctor, submitted to all the tests (which may have taken an age to organise), and still you don’t know why you’re not getting pregnant.  By now you may have convinced yourself that if you’re not getting pregnant then there must be something wrong.  Maybe the doctors just haven’t found it!

You go on-line and search for anything that might account for the fact that you’re not getting pregnant.  And of course, hormones are not the body’s most consistent, reliable and easily tracked function, so that increases the guesswork and uncertainty.  A few months of trying to find an explanation of why you’re not getting pregnant, and you may have convinced yourself that there is something really wrong that the doctors just haven’t found yet.  You may even have decided for yourself what that might be.

But have you considered that there may be nothing wrong?

If you’re under (or around) 35, healthy, and have had no history of menstrual problems, then it’s just as likely that there’s nothing wrong, than that you have some undiagnosed problem.  What may be happening is that you’re getting yourself into a state, which causes you to feel more worried and out of sorts physically and emotionally.  Your mind is focusing on what you don’t want – not being pregnant or having an undiagnosed problem – and that’s what you’re getting.  You worry that time is running out and that increases your levels of anxiety, creating an unhealthy internal environment which may knock your hormones out of kilter.

The thing about unexplained infertility is that it’s “unexplained”.  You don’t know and your doctor hasn’t been able to find a reason.  Trying to find a reason (when there may not be one) is likely to get you very stressed.

If you’ve walked this path, I’d ask you to consider the possibility that there may be nothing wrong (even after 5 or more years of trying).  You don’t have to believe it, just consider the possibility – what if there is nothing wrong?  What if you just require to be even more patient?

Could you perhaps give yourself permission to accept that there might not be an answer as to why you’re not getting pregnant yet?  It may not be an easy thing to do, especially if you’re someone who likes certainty and closure, but striving to find an answer to a problem that may not be a problem, will drive you round the bend.

Can you see how, trying to find an answer to a problem that might not exist, is not the most rational approach. If you’re on this roundabout, it’s because you’re driven by an emotional need to know WHY.  You’re likely to spend a lot of time and attention focusing on potential problems and that focus is actually taking you away from what you actually want.

Could you instead, turn your attention to WHAT you want – it might help you to feel less anxious and more in control.

Good luck and if you’d like to join a community of women who are supporting each other though the emotional ups and downs of their fertility journey check out the Baby Making Mindset Club.