The Struggle And Strife Of Trying To Conceive

If you’re struggling with fertility issues, you may feel that you’re trapped in a cycle of hoping and being disappointed. You may feel you’re on that emotional rollercoaster, feeling angry, sad, disappointed, jealous, impatient, obsessed and all the other swings that can take place every month. You may feel locked into that emotional vortex that involves desperately wanting something that seems constantly just out of reach. I’d like if I may, to ask you to stop for a few moments andStruggle take a step back from your life.  To look at yourself objectively and ask yourself:

  • Do I feel stuck in my current situation?
  • Am I struggling against my current circumstances, trying to change things as they are now?
  • Is that struggle exhausting and depleting me?
  • Do I find myself constantly comparing where I am now against where I would like to be and feeling down because of the m
  • Am I constantly focused on the future and ignoring the present moment?

As you ponder these questions, have you noticed if you are creating a huge resistance to your current life circumstances, because you so want something quite different?  Can you see how that struggle and resistance might be depleting your resources – mental, emotional and physical?  Has it occurred to you that you make it much more difficult for yourself to move forward into something positive and more hopeful if you spend every minute of today battling against what you DON’T want?

In order to move on to a brighter future, it’s necessary to accept what is, just for today. Now acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, not at all.  What acceptance does is release all that resistance and allow you to channel your energy into a brighter future.  Acceptance allows you to release what you don’t want and frees you to focus on what you do want.

Acceptance says “just for today this is my situation”, but it also allows the possibility that tomorrow may be completely different.  And because you accept that things are as they are today, doesn’t mean that you can’t be working today to make circumstances change tomorrow.

Acceptance of things as they are today, releases you from all the questions: Why me? Could I have done more? What if? etc, etc, etc.  It allows you, both on a conscious and unconscious level to acknowledge the current situation, to release resistance to it and it permits you to channel your energy into what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

Acceptance puts you in the moment – this is how it is NOW.  It doesn’t mean you agree that the situation is OK, or that you have to accept it forever more.  Acceptance means that you recognise that for this moment in time, this is the way it is.  And this is important, because now is where you have the power to make changes: to change the way you’ve always done it, felt about it, thought about it.  What you desire for the future exists in what you do, how you feel and what you think NOW! So how do you get to acceptance, it can be a real challenge!

Here’s a little exercise to get you into practice: Pick a small thing you’d like to change, something that you struggle with a bit.  Sit quietly and focus on this thing. Accept that for now it’s a part of your life.  And once you feel that you’ve accepted it and come to terms with the fact that this thing you’ve been focusing on “is what it is”, notice if you feel more relaxed – after all you’ve released something you’ve been struggling with.  And now, imagine what you’d like instead, in great detail, until you feel really compelled towards this much more attractive future.

And if you want support on your journey why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club on facebook, just click this link

Stressed That You’re Not Getting Pregnant? Just Relax!


relaxI know, I know, I know, if you’ve heard the “just relax” line once you’ve probably heard it a million times!

And how can you “just relax”, when you’re desperate to fall pregnant and it’s not happening and, at the back of your mind, is the thought that it might never happen.

Doesn’t it just make you want to scream to hear such platitudes!  Especially when you know they’re saying it with your best interests at heart.  Don’t they know how difficult it is?  No matter how you try to keep your mind off things, to keep busy and occupied, there’s a part of you that just keeps picking away at the waiting to get pregnant issue, like a scab that is never allowed to heal.

Well, irritating thought it may be, it’s sound advice.  Being relaxed has physical, mental and emotional benefits which may well improve your chance of getting pregnant.  Now, I’m not suggesting that just relaxing will get you pregnant, but there definitely is some evidence to suggest that being stressed will reduce your chances of getting pregnant.

When you relax you enter a state which is completely opposite to being under pressure or stressed.  Relaxation allows your body to neutralise the stress chemicals and activates your repair and renewal processes.

A study at the University of Western Australia found that women were more likely to conceive during periods when they are relaxed rather than stressed.  And a study at Trakya University in Turkey found that stress reduces sperm count and motility, suggesting that relaxation may also boost male fertility.

Studies have also shown that relaxation can reduce symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, reduce blood pressure, and improve conditions such as arthritis, asthma, skin conditions such as psoriasis and heart disease.

Research at Harvard Medical School has shown that deep relaxation changes our bodies on a genetic level:  long term practitioners of relaxation methods, such as yoga and meditation, have far more active “disease-fighting genes” compared to those who practised no form of relaxation.  In particular, they found that genes that protect from disorders such as pain, infertility, high blood pressure and even rheumatoid arthritis were switched on.  These experiments at Harvard showed just how responsive genes are to behaviour, mood, environment and revealed that genes can just as easily be switched on as they switch off.

But saying “just relax” isn’t that helpful – it can even make you more tense …

So go for a therapy treatment, join a yoga class, do some Transendental Meditation, get a relaxation CD or even go for walk.  Little and often will be much more helpful to get you into a deeply relaxed state than, for example, a one hour session weekly.  So you can’t use the excuse that you’ve no time!

Try 15 minutes of relaxation every day for a month and notice how differently you will feel.

How Ready Are You For A Baby?

Believe - stoneI have a saying on my wall which reads:

“There is a difference between wishing for a think and being ready to receive it.  No one is ready for a thing until she believes she can aquire it.”

I’m not sure where it came from or who said it, but I do think that our beliefs have a vital impact on our results.

Does your belief support you having a baby?  Do you really believe that it will happen some day, or do you think it will never happen for you?

Go inside yourself for a moment and ask yourself just how strongly you believe that you will:

  • become pregnant
  • have a stable pregnancy and
  • give birth to a healthy baby

Give yourself a score of 1-10 where 1 = not very strongly at all and where 10 = 100% certainty.

If your score is less than 10 for each of these questions then you need to work on your beliefs.

To create a strong belief you need three things:

  1. You need to know that it is POSSIBLE to achieve your heart’s desire
  2. You need to know that you are ABLE to achieve your heart’s desire
  3. You need to know that you DESERVE  to achieve your heart’s desire

KNOW IT’S POSSIBLE:   If there’s no medical reason for you not to get pregnant, then it must be POSSIBLE, until it is proven that it’s not possible.  So until that point, you can only say that you have not got pregnant YET.  Often our impatience drives us towards a negative view of a situation.  Don’t be too quick to decide what is impossible, be patient and consider that your heart’s desire hasn’t come about yet.

KNOW IF YOU ARE ABLE:   Avoid putting limitations on what you think is possible.  Do you have an age beyond which you think it will be impossible to get pregnant?  Do you think you are less likely than friends of your age to get pregnant?  These beliefs are arbitrary judgements you have made about yourself and they are just as likely to be WRONG as they are to be right.  Banish them, completely, NOW.  Keep an open mind.  Be positive in your thinking.  And open yourself up to the abundant possibilities that love and life have to offer.

KNOW YOU DESERVE IT:   Do you feel you deserve a baby?  If not, why not?  Do you have a belief system that says: things need to be difficult to have value; or you never get what you really want; or everyone is better and more deserving than you; or bad things happen to good people?

Have a look at your belief system and check that they support your desire for a baby and then you can truly be ready to receive your baby.

And if you want support on your journey why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club on facebook, just click this link

Can A Negative Mindset Make It Harder To Conceive?

“Getting pregnant is an unconscious thing and women especially need to take a step back and stop thinking about why it isn’t happening.  I believe that if you’re sending negative messages to your body then it’s harder to conceive.”    -Ziva West”

This quote comes from Ziva West – midwife, nutritionist, acupuncturist and author – who runs a Harley Street Fertility Clinic.  I uncovered it during some recent research when I came across an article from the February 2010

Well Zita, I agree – wholeheartedly.  In fact, I’m building my whole business around the fact!  I’m convinced that having the right mindset can improve the chances of getting pregnant for many women, especially when the infertility is unexplained.

It’s much more of a holistic approach to link mind and body so closely, but it’s a concept that’s gradually gaining more credence in conventional medicine.  How (and what) you think can have strong physical effects and vice versa, just consider how stress and depression can be both physical and mental manifestations of dis-ease.

Since I’m on the subject of what other people say, can I give you another quote, from one of my favourite authors, Deepak Chopra who began his career as an endocrinologist before shifting focus and becoming a writer and speaker in the self-help, spirituality and alternative medicine fields.I'm Possible

In his book ‘Quantum Healing’, Deepak says, “Favouring mind over matter is not a mystical notion.  If you want to build a skyscraper today, you don’t start piling up concrete and steel; you go to an architect, whose intelligence prepares the plan that must exist before construction begins.”

The architect has to take the thought of the skyscraper and give it form, a shape, an identity.  And he also has to overcome the many obstacles which arise in the manifestation of the form of the skyscraper.  But most of all, the architect has to believe absolutely that this skyscraper will be manifest, otherwise there may not be enough energy to complete the project.

If you’re trying to get pregnant, let me ask you – what form have you created with your thoughts?  Do your thoughts represent what you WANT, or what you DON’T WANT?  It really is vital to focus on what you want.

And I know that’s not always easy, so hopefully this further quote from Deepak Chopra will inspire you …

“You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.”

I’ve got that quote stuck on my computer screen!  Perhaps you’d also like to keep it in the forefront of your mind.

If you’d like help to stay positive on your baby making journey you can join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Group on facebook, just click this link:

Trying To Conceive? Be Kind To Yourself

Be Kind To Yourself

There’s no doubt about it, unexplained infertility or infertility is tough to cope with.  So isn’t it hard enough trying to get pregnant without giving yourself a hard time about it too?  The bigger the challenge you face, the more important it is to be kind to yourself. Because if you’re not kind to yourself, you’re bound to increase the suffering you experience.  All the highs and lows that go with trying to get pregnant are hard enough without making it even more difficult.

The psychology of conception requires that you be kind to yourself, but what exactly does that mean?

Imagine climbing a huge mountain.  You begin your climb with an empty rucksack on your back.  As you climb the hill you collect a stone and put it into the rucksack every time you have a negative thought about your journey.  As the hill gets steeper, more and more stones go into the rucksack, making it ever more difficult to continue on your journey as the load you carry gets heavier and heavier.  And all you need do, to lighten your load is dump the stones and refuse to collect any more.

Imagine your were supporting a friend who was trying to get pregnant.  Would you berate them because they’ve let themselves and their partner down?  Would you tell them that they’re not trying hard enough and there must be something else they can do?  Would you tell them they’re a failure?  Of course not.

You would suggest to them that they might want to be a bit more patient and give themselves a bit more time before they became anxious and upset.  You would encourage them to take a day at a time and not try to second guess what’s going to happen in the future, especially when they believe themselves to be facing a negative future.  You might hint that if they were to adjust their expectations to something that’s a bit more pragmatic and realistic, it would make life a bit easier.

You might even gently explore what the future holds for them if they don’t get pregnant.

You might perhaps suggest that they do something to reduce their stress levels: a treatment of massage or reflexology; some time at a spa; join a yoga class or take up meditation.

And you would definitely give them a hug when they needed it.

Can you be your own best friend?  Can you be kind to yourself?  How many stones are in your rucksack and how willing are you to dump them and not collect any more?

If you want help on your baby making journey why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club for support and practical tools and techniques that you can apply to make life easier and improve your chances of getting pregnant, just follow this link

Is Your World Baby Friendly Or Not?

Happy World

Your view of the world acts as a filter through which all information is sifted and sorted.  So any time you read a paper or blog, watch TV, listen to friends or receive any information from outside of yourself, you sift and store that information through the filter of your view of the world.  And not only that, your brain is programmed to ensure that you’ll attract information which reinforces this view of the world!

So, what kind of world do you live in?

Is your world one of abundance and joy, where setbacks and challenges are just little bumps in the road, where the future is a bright beacon full of promise and the past is full of wonderful memories.  Do you know lots of women your age who have got pregnant and you just need to wait your turn?  Is your glass half-full?

Or is your glass half-empty?  Do you live in a world of scarcity and struggle, where setbacks and challenges are huge barriers to be attacked and overcome, where the future is dark and uncertain and full of anxiety menace and peril, and your past has a negative influence on you today still?  Do you hear everywhere and from everyone that eggs are limited, that the older you are the less likelihood you have of getting pregnant, do you know lots of women in your situation who are struggling to get pregnant?  Is your glass half-empty?

I’d invite you to consider how, making your view of the world more positive, may make your experience in the world a whole lot more fun, effortless and optimistic.  Even if you are already pretty optimistic, can you become more so?  And if you’re not at all optimistic, might you not be doing yourself an extreme kindness to change that view, even a little?

What if, you lived in a totally positive, optimistic world, where all your dreams and desires came true?  That belief in itself would be a great de-stresser and would allow you to hold a relaxed, positive and healthier state of mind and body – and that relaxed state of mind and body will help you optimise your chances of getting pregnant.

Stress creates an unhelpful internal physical environment which can reduce immune response and upset the hormone balance.

Your mind and body are not separate entities, they work together, so if you are constantly thinking that: “you’ll never get pregnant”; “everyone else is getting pregnant but you”; “you’re too old”; etc, etc, etc, then it’s hardly surprising if your body obliges by giving you what you expect.  On the other hand, if you’re positive and have a high expectation that you will get pregnant, your body may well oblige you with what you expect!

I know which way of being I’d choose, what about you?

If you want to get from a glass half-empty to one that’s nearly full, sign up to the FREE Baby Making Mindset Facebook Group for tips and hints that will help you improve your baby making mindset.  You’ll find us at



Getting Pregnant – Impossible Or Just A Speed Bump?

TTC impossible or just a speed bump

TTC – impossible or just a speed bump?

If you’re feeling that you’ll never get pregnant and time is fast running out, you may be thinking that getting pregnant is going to be impossible. But is it, or is what you’re experiencing now, just a bump in the road?  Can you negotiate the bumps in the road and avoid destination impossible?

Firstly, “impossible” is usually a moveable goal: breaking the 4 minute mile barrier; going to the moon; IVF; heart transplants; the list goes on.  You can often find ways to improve your chances of getting pregnant so that what once seemed impossible might now not be.

Secondly, “impossible” is often a state of mind.  When Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, conditions were not in his favour.  Doctors had said it was physically impossible and on the day the wind was against him.  He could have quit, or put it off to another day or settled for second best with a time of just under 4 minutes.  But he didn’t.  He stuck to his plan, kept his resolve and went out and did what he needed to do.  And afterwards runner after runner broken the 4 minute mile.

Thirdly, “impossible” gets more embedded with stress.  Allowing the bumps in the road to dominate your thinking causes you to focus on what’s wrong (what you don’t want) , rather than what you do want.  Stress creates a ‘can’t do’, rather than a ‘can do’ mindset.  So keep it light, roll with the punches and relax into the flow of life.

I’ve said it before: how you think affects how you feel, and how you feel affects your physical condition.  You will be helping your chances of getting pregnant if you’re optimistic, relaxed and have a healthy balance in your life.

If you want to discover more ways to stay sane and positive when your TTC,  join the Baby Making Mindset Club today, it’s just £1.

Are You The Only Person In The World Who Isn’t Getting Pregnant?

Baby Making MindsetHave you noticed that the longer you’ve been trying to get pregnant, the more the people there are around you who are getting pregnant?  Until, suddenly, you’re surrounded by friends and family, just about all of whom are expecting.

And, have you wondered – screamed from the rooftops even – “Why not me?”  Why, when you’re trying so hard, should everyone else be getting pregnant?  Why is it that you can’t walk down the street without noticing how many women are pregnant?

Have you ever felt like that?

Does it cause you to feel depressed, alone, isolated?  Do you feel that life is treating you unfairly?  Do you wonder if you’ll ever get pregnant?

Well, have you considered that you’re attracting all that pregnant energy?  And it may be that it’s you who’s next in line.   After all, if you’re drawing all that pregnant energy towards you, it may just need a little re-direction to find you next.

Here are three ways to attract that pregnant energy to YOU:

  1. Be grateful for what you’ve got.  Take some time out every day to be grateful for what you have – and write it down.  Gratitude helps you to feel blessed and abundant, rather than blighted and anxious.  And the more grateful you are the more blessed and abundant you will feel and you will then begin to draw that into your life.  Oh, I know, it all sounds really New Age, but counting your blessings has been used for thousands of years to restore flagging spirits (check out any Bible).  Just give it a try and see how you feel, if it’s not resonating with you then you can stop, but you’ll never know how well it might work unless you give it a shot.
  2. Get ready to receive.  How much joy can you take in your life – a bucket full or a thimble full?  If you want to know how ready you are to receive, just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a stadium with 10,000 people.  There’s a thrum of voices as those 10,000 people chat.  You walk to the centre of the stage and look out at the audience and you stand there until the noise abates and there’s absolute silence.  You introduce yourself – “Hello, my name is ……..” and wait.  The audience begin to applaud.  They’re applauding you, not for any reason, not for anything you’ve done, but just because you’re you.  The applause increases in volume and the audience begin to rise from their seat.  You’re getting a standing ovation from 10,000 people just for being you.  The applause continues ………. and continues ………………. and continues……….. 1 minute ……… 2 minutes …………. 3 minutes ……………… 4 minutes ………….. 5 minutes.You’ve being given a standing ovation for 5 minutes.  How does that feel?  Do you get uncomfortable just standing on stage?  How quickly do you want to leave the stage after the applause begins?  How much recognition and joy are you ready to receive?
  3. Absorb the baby making energy.   If you feel surrounded by pregnant women, draw that pregnant energy towards yourself.Imagine yourself in the centre of a circle of pregnant women.  Notice the glow that seems to emanate from them.  What colour is it?  Is it dense or light, warm or cool?  Now see yourself surrounded by that pregnant glow.  Feel yourself protected and safe within this pregnant glow.  And notice how the glow of pregnant energy begins to move towards you from all directions until it encompasses your whole body.  How do you feel being cloaked in this pregnant energy?  What emotions are present?  Are there any feelings of discomfort or discord?  If there are, turn your attention towards those and allow them time and space.  Hold your attention on them, without trying to change them or making any judgement of them until you notice them dissipate and disappear gently and totally.  Now how do you feel?  Thank the pregnant women who encircle you and allow them to fade away, leaving you surrounded by their pregnant glow.  Now draw that pregnant glow towards you until it forms a cocoon around you.  This cocoon of pregnant energy around you will act as a magnet for pregnant energy, directing all future pregnant energy towards you.

Give these three techniques a try and tell me how you get on.

Boost Your Chances Of Getting Pregnant

Impove Your Chances

If you’re trying for a baby, you’ve probably taken some steps to improve your chances, but can you do more?

Most couples do some internet research, although too much information – especially if it’s conflicting – can be as much a blessing as a curse.  Books have similar advantages and disadvantages.

Complementary therapies are popular – especially Reflexology and Accupuncture – and some couples are very keen to follow a strict nutritional regime, in an attempt to create the best physical environment for conception.

Nutritional supplements are also very popular, but which ones and how do you know they’re right for you?  It can all be very confusing.

Ovulation kits can be very helpful, because women’s cycles can vary, so it’s useful to eliminate the guesswork – as long as it doesn’t all become a bit obsessive.

The one thing that most couple’s probably don’t do is focus on their state of mind.

Unexplained infertility can be a very upsetting condition, especially if the woman is over 35.  As time goes on, and nothing happens, the ticking of the clock seems to get louder and louder.  The emotional highs and lows of hope and disappointment every month can become very stressful.  And stress is not a helpful physical en
vironment for conception: it can knock hormones out of balance and deplete the immune system.

Managing your mental and emotional state will have a knock-on effect on boosting your physical state.  Also, getting pregnant happens unconsciously, so it’s important to make sure your thoughts and actions support your desire to get pregnant.

Is there any part of you that’s nervous about having a baby?  Are you positive or doubtful about your ability to conceive?  Is there room in your life and your home for a baby – if work and social life take up your every moment, and if the spare room is full of junk, you may want to consider what message that’s sending to your unconscious mind.

Keeping a positive outlook may be easier said than done, but it is possible, and not only will it make the journey to getting pregnant much more bearable, but it might even improve your chances of getting pregnant.

So, when you’re considering all the things you might do to improve your chances of getting pregnant, don’t forget to manage your mindset.

Do You Have A Fertility Plan B (And C)

I’ve spoken in thePlan, A,B,C past about the power of the mind to change your reality, the big question is HOW do you do it.

Strategies such as: focusing on results; insisting on an outcome; being determined that you won’t stop until you reach your goal; and being very specific in what you want, can all help immeasurably to lead you towards your goal.

But sometimes we try too hard!  And we can want something so much, that we get in the way of our own natural process.  If we are following the natural process it should feel light, easy, flowing and effortless.  We need to be detached from our outcome to allow it to manifest easily and effortlessly.

The moment we try too hard, the extra effort we expend, stops the flow of effortless energy and manifestation.  It’s a bit like the racing driver, who wants a quick start, and puts too much power on the accelerator and ends up spinning the wheels and going nowhere.

So, how do you avoid trying too hard, having too much focus, being too determined and ending up just being obsessed?

Well you might want to look at having a Plan B (and C).

It may seem that having a Plan B and C, will undermine that sense of determination, insistence, focus.  To some extent that may be true, but it will also give you a much more relaxed attitude and the proper degree of detachment from your Plan A.  Having a Plan B and C is much more a reflection of life.  We don’t run our life on a straight line (or most of us don’t).  We respond to the vagaries that life throws before us, we review opportunities when they arise, and take them if they lead in the direction we favour.

Why have a Plan B and a Plan C?  Why 2 alternative plans?  The answer to that is simple: if you have only one plan you give yourself no choice; two plans give you a dilemma (and that creates tension); but three options gives you real choice.

So, I’d invite you to sit down today – together, and work out your Plan B and Plan C.  And turn them into futures that you can really embrace and commit to.  They want to excite your imagination and passion and lead you to a life that will be fulfilling.  And your plans need to address the elephant in the room – what if you don’t get pregnant?  Will you look at alternative family building avenues?  How will you live a full and useful life?

All your plans – A, B and C – want to be written down, and fairly detailed about WHAT you want and WHY you want it (how you get it is not as important).  If you’ve not already done this with your Plan A, do it now and then follow on with Plan B and C.  Then store them all away somewhere and forget about Plan B and C.

You can then turn your attention to manifesting your Plan A in the knowledge that you’ve created real choice for yourself while at the same time creating the detachment which is so important if you want to manifest your dreams.

So, go get that pen and paper now and start planning.