Trash Those Negative Thoughts!

It’s so easy to have negative thoughts about getting pregnant!  If you’ve been trying for a while your thoughts naturally turn to wondering when it will happen – maybe even if it will happen. And if you’ve waited a while (or if you have a tendency to be a bit impatient) you may begin to think that it will never happen.

Such thoughts are very unhelpftrash lorryul because they create tension, pressure and stress – all emotions that have an adverse effect on the body.

But how do you get rid of such thoughts?  It’s often easier said than done.

The first thing to remember when you want to make any change is that nature abhors a vacuum.  Trying to banish a thought will create an empty space and (unless you practice meditation) your mind will naturally want to fill that vacuum.  So, just getting rid of the thought is not enough, you need to replace it with another, better, more helpful thought.

Spend a bit of time thinking about what you really want.  Take time to fill in all the details, so that what you want is as complete as possible.

Now, whenever you notice yourself thinking negative thoughts, STOP!  Allow yourself to notice the thought and take a moment to recognise that it’s only a thought and you can choose to change it any time you please.  If you choose, allow the negative thought to dissipate and notice the new, positive thought you’ve created, take it’s place in a bigger, brighter and much more powerful way than you could ever imagine possible.

If you get into the habit of trashing the negative thoughts and replacing them with much more powerful positive thoughts, you’ll feel better AND  you’ll also be sending your body a very powerful message about how you intend it should oblige you.

And if you want some tips on how to smooth the emotional path on your journey to creating a baby, why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club on facebook, just click this link

The Struggle And Strife Of Trying To Conceive

If you’re struggling with fertility issues, you may feel that you’re trapped in a cycle of hoping and being disappointed. You may feel you’re on that emotional rollercoaster, feeling angry, sad, disappointed, jealous, impatient, obsessed and all the other swings that can take place every month. You may feel locked into that emotional vortex that involves desperately wanting something that seems constantly just out of reach. I’d like if I may, to ask you to stop for a few moments andStruggle take a step back from your life.  To look at yourself objectively and ask yourself:

  • Do I feel stuck in my current situation?
  • Am I struggling against my current circumstances, trying to change things as they are now?
  • Is that struggle exhausting and depleting me?
  • Do I find myself constantly comparing where I am now against where I would like to be and feeling down because of the m
  • Am I constantly focused on the future and ignoring the present moment?

As you ponder these questions, have you noticed if you are creating a huge resistance to your current life circumstances, because you so want something quite different?  Can you see how that struggle and resistance might be depleting your resources – mental, emotional and physical?  Has it occurred to you that you make it much more difficult for yourself to move forward into something positive and more hopeful if you spend every minute of today battling against what you DON’T want?

In order to move on to a brighter future, it’s necessary to accept what is, just for today. Now acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, not at all.  What acceptance does is release all that resistance and allow you to channel your energy into a brighter future.  Acceptance allows you to release what you don’t want and frees you to focus on what you do want.

Acceptance says “just for today this is my situation”, but it also allows the possibility that tomorrow may be completely different.  And because you accept that things are as they are today, doesn’t mean that you can’t be working today to make circumstances change tomorrow.

Acceptance of things as they are today, releases you from all the questions: Why me? Could I have done more? What if? etc, etc, etc.  It allows you, both on a conscious and unconscious level to acknowledge the current situation, to release resistance to it and it permits you to channel your energy into what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

Acceptance puts you in the moment – this is how it is NOW.  It doesn’t mean you agree that the situation is OK, or that you have to accept it forever more.  Acceptance means that you recognise that for this moment in time, this is the way it is.  And this is important, because now is where you have the power to make changes: to change the way you’ve always done it, felt about it, thought about it.  What you desire for the future exists in what you do, how you feel and what you think NOW! So how do you get to acceptance, it can be a real challenge!

Here’s a little exercise to get you into practice: Pick a small thing you’d like to change, something that you struggle with a bit.  Sit quietly and focus on this thing. Accept that for now it’s a part of your life.  And once you feel that you’ve accepted it and come to terms with the fact that this thing you’ve been focusing on “is what it is”, notice if you feel more relaxed – after all you’ve released something you’ve been struggling with.  And now, imagine what you’d like instead, in great detail, until you feel really compelled towards this much more attractive future.

And if you want support on your journey why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club on facebook, just click this link

Stressed That You’re Not Getting Pregnant? Just Relax!


relaxI know, I know, I know, if you’ve heard the “just relax” line once you’ve probably heard it a million times!

And how can you “just relax”, when you’re desperate to fall pregnant and it’s not happening and, at the back of your mind, is the thought that it might never happen.

Doesn’t it just make you want to scream to hear such platitudes!  Especially when you know they’re saying it with your best interests at heart.  Don’t they know how difficult it is?  No matter how you try to keep your mind off things, to keep busy and occupied, there’s a part of you that just keeps picking away at the waiting to get pregnant issue, like a scab that is never allowed to heal.

Well, irritating thought it may be, it’s sound advice.  Being relaxed has physical, mental and emotional benefits which may well improve your chance of getting pregnant.  Now, I’m not suggesting that just relaxing will get you pregnant, but there definitely is some evidence to suggest that being stressed will reduce your chances of getting pregnant.

When you relax you enter a state which is completely opposite to being under pressure or stressed.  Relaxation allows your body to neutralise the stress chemicals and activates your repair and renewal processes.

A study at the University of Western Australia found that women were more likely to conceive during periods when they are relaxed rather than stressed.  And a study at Trakya University in Turkey found that stress reduces sperm count and motility, suggesting that relaxation may also boost male fertility.

Studies have also shown that relaxation can reduce symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, reduce blood pressure, and improve conditions such as arthritis, asthma, skin conditions such as psoriasis and heart disease.

Research at Harvard Medical School has shown that deep relaxation changes our bodies on a genetic level:  long term practitioners of relaxation methods, such as yoga and meditation, have far more active “disease-fighting genes” compared to those who practised no form of relaxation.  In particular, they found that genes that protect from disorders such as pain, infertility, high blood pressure and even rheumatoid arthritis were switched on.  These experiments at Harvard showed just how responsive genes are to behaviour, mood, environment and revealed that genes can just as easily be switched on as they switch off.

But saying “just relax” isn’t that helpful – it can even make you more tense …

So go for a therapy treatment, join a yoga class, do some Transendental Meditation, get a relaxation CD or even go for walk.  Little and often will be much more helpful to get you into a deeply relaxed state than, for example, a one hour session weekly.  So you can’t use the excuse that you’ve no time!

Try 15 minutes of relaxation every day for a month and notice how differently you will feel.

Count Your Blessings And They’ll Multiply


Baby Making Mindset

Be grateful

I’ve been prompted by some recent Facebook posts, to blog today about gratitude.  Many of my Facebook friends have been posting each day about what they’re grateful for and it’s really interesting to see that it’s not the big things they choose, but the small, seemingly insignificant things that get onto their list.

In our busy lives, full of targets and deadlines, responsibilities and commitments, hopes and aspirations, we can sometimes be so busy and stressed that we forget what we have to be grateful for.  And if you’re dealing with fertility issues, it can be easy to focus on what’s not working rather than what is working in your life.

When was the last time you paused to be grateful for the food you eat, or the home that shelters you, or the friends and family who support you?  Or the fact that you can just turn the tap and clean water rushes from it?  Or the fact that you can get your shopping delivered with the press of a few buttons? 

It’s all too easy to take the things and people in our lives for granted, and it can be a real challenge to find time to stop and catch our breath, never mind to stop to cultivate gratitude.  Try looking at the smallest things in your life and asking yourself what would life be like without them.

Really, give it a try, you may find it well worth the effort.  Being grateful for what you already have allows you to:

  • pay more attention to all the gifts you already enjoy
  • evaluate what you have without comparison to others
  • appreciate that all you have is a real gift (especially the big stuff like friends, family, health, peace of mind – and sometimes even the bad stuff that might have made you stronger, wiser, kinder)
  • have awareness and appreciation for the people and possessions and qualities that fill your life

Gratitude helps you to focus on the positives – what you have, rather than what you don’t have.  It helps you realise just how full and rich your life already is and that in turn helps you direct your attention to attracting more of the same. And although there may be many things in your life that you don’t have, a focus on being grateful for what you do have allows you to cultivate peace of mind.

Every day, write down three things that you’re grateful for and watch your peace of mind grow!

Trying To Conceive? Be Kind To Yourself

Be Kind To Yourself

There’s no doubt about it, unexplained infertility or infertility is tough to cope with.  So isn’t it hard enough trying to get pregnant without giving yourself a hard time about it too?  The bigger the challenge you face, the more important it is to be kind to yourself. Because if you’re not kind to yourself, you’re bound to increase the suffering you experience.  All the highs and lows that go with trying to get pregnant are hard enough without making it even more difficult.

The psychology of conception requires that you be kind to yourself, but what exactly does that mean?

Imagine climbing a huge mountain.  You begin your climb with an empty rucksack on your back.  As you climb the hill you collect a stone and put it into the rucksack every time you have a negative thought about your journey.  As the hill gets steeper, more and more stones go into the rucksack, making it ever more difficult to continue on your journey as the load you carry gets heavier and heavier.  And all you need do, to lighten your load is dump the stones and refuse to collect any more.

Imagine your were supporting a friend who was trying to get pregnant.  Would you berate them because they’ve let themselves and their partner down?  Would you tell them that they’re not trying hard enough and there must be something else they can do?  Would you tell them they’re a failure?  Of course not.

You would suggest to them that they might want to be a bit more patient and give themselves a bit more time before they became anxious and upset.  You would encourage them to take a day at a time and not try to second guess what’s going to happen in the future, especially when they believe themselves to be facing a negative future.  You might hint that if they were to adjust their expectations to something that’s a bit more pragmatic and realistic, it would make life a bit easier.

You might even gently explore what the future holds for them if they don’t get pregnant.

You might perhaps suggest that they do something to reduce their stress levels: a treatment of massage or reflexology; some time at a spa; join a yoga class or take up meditation.

And you would definitely give them a hug when they needed it.

Can you be your own best friend?  Can you be kind to yourself?  How many stones are in your rucksack and how willing are you to dump them and not collect any more?

If you want help on your baby making journey why not join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club for support and practical tools and techniques that you can apply to make life easier and improve your chances of getting pregnant, just follow this link

Getting Pregnant – Impossible Or Just A Speed Bump?

TTC impossible or just a speed bump

TTC – impossible or just a speed bump?

If you’re feeling that you’ll never get pregnant and time is fast running out, you may be thinking that getting pregnant is going to be impossible. But is it, or is what you’re experiencing now, just a bump in the road?  Can you negotiate the bumps in the road and avoid destination impossible?

Firstly, “impossible” is usually a moveable goal: breaking the 4 minute mile barrier; going to the moon; IVF; heart transplants; the list goes on.  You can often find ways to improve your chances of getting pregnant so that what once seemed impossible might now not be.

Secondly, “impossible” is often a state of mind.  When Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, conditions were not in his favour.  Doctors had said it was physically impossible and on the day the wind was against him.  He could have quit, or put it off to another day or settled for second best with a time of just under 4 minutes.  But he didn’t.  He stuck to his plan, kept his resolve and went out and did what he needed to do.  And afterwards runner after runner broken the 4 minute mile.

Thirdly, “impossible” gets more embedded with stress.  Allowing the bumps in the road to dominate your thinking causes you to focus on what’s wrong (what you don’t want) , rather than what you do want.  Stress creates a ‘can’t do’, rather than a ‘can do’ mindset.  So keep it light, roll with the punches and relax into the flow of life.

I’ve said it before: how you think affects how you feel, and how you feel affects your physical condition.  You will be helping your chances of getting pregnant if you’re optimistic, relaxed and have a healthy balance in your life.

If you want to discover more ways to stay sane and positive when your TTC,  join the Baby Making Mindset Club today, it’s just £1.

Can You THINK Yourself Pregnant?

human thinkingIf you’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while (even a short while), you may find your emotional state is all over the place ……

  • swinging from hope to disappointment every month
  • impatient and wondering if it’s ever going to happen for you
  • jealous as you see other – perhaps less deserving women – get pregnant easily … by accident even!
  • isolated from friends and family if you’re not wanting everyone to know that you’re trying for a baby
  • frustrated as all you seem to notice now is mums with children and women with HUGE pregnant bumps (looking happy and radiant).

Emotionally you will probably have visited all of the above and more, much, much more.

And have you noticed that they’re all NEGATIVE emotions.  And holding these negative emotional states will put you into a negative state of mind.  And if you’re holding a negative state of mind, you’re body is likely to be listening.

Getting pregnant happens unconsciously, which means you have to harness the power of your mind at a deep, unconscious, level.

Wanting, hoping, deciding to get pregnant are states of the conscious mind.  Knowingness and certainty (especially in the face of evidence to the contrary) are states of the unconscious.

Your unconscious mind runs your body, so harnessing the power of your unconscious mind is vital if you want your body to do anything.

Knowing and expecting that you’re going to get pregnant somehow, some day, is a much more powerful state than hoping you’ll get pregnant.

There’s lots of anecdotal evidence of women trying to get pregnant then, as soon as they:

  • go on holiday
  • adopt a child
  • focus on a career move, new house, special project
  • stop trying and resign themselves to the fact it’s not going to happen,

they get pregnant!

Your thinking may not actually cause you to get pregnant, rather, it’s more likely that it can lower your chances of getting pregnant.  Wanting and needing are disempowering states of mind and often cause you to focus on what you DON’T want, causing you to attract more of what you don’t want, rather than what you do want.  So, make sure you harness the power of your unconscious mind to support what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

And how do you do that?  Well it may be a slightly different process for each individual, but there will be certain common features: learn to relax and visualise; remove any mental and emotional barriers to getting pregnant; make sure your belief system supports your desire to get pregnant; and focus on what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

Having your mind and body working together in harmony to support your efforts to get pregnant, will not only make the journey much more pleasant, but it may actually make your results more effective.

So, to answer the question, “Can you think yourself pregnant?”, the honest answer is, nobody really knows.  All the negative emotions associated with TRYING to get pregnant can certainly be stressful and that stress may have a significant impact on your hormones, creating imbalances which may contribute to reduced fertility.  Having a positive mindset will make the journey more bearable and you never know, it might help you get pregnant sooner.


Is It Selfish To Want A Second Baby?

children holding handsI had someone ask me recently, if I thought she was being selfish for wanting a second baby.  She had already given birth to a little girl when she was 38 and now, at 40, she really wanted another child.

Her daughter was very precious, and she had thought when trying for her first baby: “could she just have one”. Now she wasn’t content with just one.  Was she being selfish?

Lots of women have difficulty having one child and here she was getting stressed because she wanted another child – and the clock was ticking!  She really did feel very selfish.

She already had a child, was happy enough at work and had a great relationship with her husband.  Why couldn’t she just be satisfied?  Wasn’t it greedy and selfish to want another child, especially when other women were having such a hard time just having one?

But when she saw her daughter, she longed to give her a brother or sister: a sibling to connect to and share with.

Well, it’s a good question.  Is it selfish?

For me, babies and children bring us love and joy (and lots of work and responsibility and sleepless nights – but who cares!).  And just as importantly, they give us an opportunity to share our love.  How can it be selfish to want to bring more love and joy into the world?

What do you think?


Fertility Spells – Would You?

magic wand

Some time ago, I read an article on entitled “Fertility Spells – do they work?”.  Netmums had conducted a survey of 2,000 women to find out what really works […]

Over 50% had tried old wives tales in an attempt to conceive

  • 22% had tried fertility statues
  • 29% had used a clairvoyant
  • 25% had tried a fertility spell

And did it work?

  • 77% of the group said that just taking action and doing something made them feel better
  • 15% said they thought they got some benefit

I have to say that I found the article confusing because it made no distinction between holistic therapies, clairvoyance, fertility statues and spells.  I’d say they were very different, but, that may be the subject for another blog, so …

Would you try a fertility spell?  I think I might, because when you think about it, a spell (and I’m not talking occult practices) is just a goal setting exercise which is specifically designed to work on the unconscious mind.

You would begin by sitting quietly or meditating or preparing yourself in some way before you turn your attention and focus to your heart’s desire.  You may write down your heart’s desire and burn it, allowing the energy to be released into the Universe to be manifest.  Or you might conduct a ritual at a specific time (maybe the new moon).  Perhaps you create a symbol to represent your heart’s desire and place it somewhere with special significance.  Or maybe you repeat powerful words to manifest your desire.

You may even do them all together.

Weird and whacky?  Definitely!  But effective, why not?  Not when you consider what you’re actually doing when you are “casting a spell”.

  • The preparation and sitting quietly allows you to remove yourself from the activity of your life, to connect with your feelings, to allow a greater balance between your conscious and unconscious mind and to turn your undivided attention to your objective.
  • The ritual that usually goes with a spell is a signal to your unconscious mind that it needs to pay attention.  It also normally involves some kind of physical activity which helps to connect you to your heart’s desire in both mind and body.
  • Taking time to cast a spell also forces you to focus exclusively on your heart’s desire – what you want, rather than what you don’t want.  You’ve set aside a time, specifically for this and for those moments, your heart’s desire is the sole focus of your attention.
  • Normally spells require that you symbolically let go of your desire – writing it down and burning it, letting go of sky lanterns, throwing coins into fountains.  This detachment from the outcome is an essential part of manifesting your heart’s desire – holding onto things too tightly stifles the energy required to create it.
  • The whole process is one huge symbol, a metaphore that your unconscious mind will find easy to relate to – and getting pregnant is an unconscious act, so you really do want your unconscious mind in on the act.
  • Spells help to build belief.  After all, it’s unlikely that you’ll go through all the motions of the ritual required by your spell if you don’t believe it might work – even the benefit of the doubt could be enough the tip the balance in your favour – the more likely you will get to that place where you believe it WILL work.

So do spells work?  Well you never know …….

Want an example of a fertility spell?  Join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club and you’ll find a fertility spell posted for you to try, and you’ll also get to connect (in a private group) with other women who are on the same baby-making path and want to give and get support to stay sane and positive.


Is The Biggest Block To Getting Pregnant … You?


yes you canOne of your key concerns when you want to get pregnant is making sure you “beat the clock“: that you get pregnant before nature takes it’s course and egg numbers and quality reduce.  It can be a real psychological pressure that uses up lots of emotional and intellectual energy.

Could you be too depleted to conceive?

If you invest lots of emotional energy in your desire to get pregnant and it’s taking a while, you may be running down your reserves of physical, emotional and psychological energy.  That investment of your energy may be counter-productive because it may be creating a resistance that actually works against you.

Did you see my video about “Trying Too Hard”?  If not, the link is at the bottom of this piece and it gives an insight into the negative effects of trying too hard and how it can create resistance.

Resistance inhibits the flow of energy and it’s a source of stress.  Resistance is like trying to drive with the brakes on: you’re trying to move forward, but there’s a drag on that effort and the harder you try to move forward, the stronger the drag.  So what creates that resistance?

Emotional factors such as fear (of never getting pregnant), or trying too hard, or wanting a baby too much (in an obsessive way), or not believing you deserve to get pregnant or that you can’t get pregnant – will all create a drag, a resistance to the natural flow of life.

Are you creating resistance?  Are you getting in your own way?  Are you making it more difficult than you need to?

If so, write a list of all the ways in which you may be making life more difficult for yourself than it needs to be – for all areas of your life, not just your baby-making efforts.  And now for each item on your list, write down three things you might do instead to make your life lighter and easier.  You’ll find it releases a huge amount of energy and allows you to be more yourself.

For Example:

How I make my life more difficult                                                    Solutions

I’m constantly thinking about getting pregnant                         I’m going to distract myself with X, Y or Z

I’m going to harness my thoughts about getting                 pregnant by doing research about how I can improve my chances of getting pregnant

I’m going to do a visualisation every day, so that when I think about getting pregnant, it’s in a positive way

Give yourself permission to think of solutions that are simple and easy to apply – and maybe even a bit whacky! Allow yourself to become free of resistance and you will find it is possible to attract great things with ease and grace.

If you haven’t already seen it, check out my video on “Trying Too Hard”.

And if you want more help in overcoming some of the emotional challenges on your baby-making journey, join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club – it’s a private facebook group where you can connect with other women to give and get support.