Some time ago, I read an article on netmums.com entitled “Fertility Spells – do they work?”.  Netmums had conducted a survey of 2,000 women to find out what really works […]

Over 50% had tried old wives tales in an attempt to conceive

• 22% had tried fertility statues
• 29% had used a clairvoyant
• 25% had tried a fertility spell

And did it work?

• 77% of the group said that just taking action and doing something made them feel better
• 15% said they thought they got some benefit

I have to say that I found the article confusing because it made no distinction between holistic therapies, clairvoyance, fertility statues and spells.  I’d say they were very different, but, that may be the subject for another blog, so …

Would you try a fertility spell?  I think I might, because when you think about it, a spell (and I’m not talking occult practices) is just a goal setting exercise which is specifically designed to work on the unconscious mind.

You would begin by sitting quietly or meditating or preparing yourself in some way before you turn your attention and focus to your heart’s desire.  You may write down your heart’s desire and burn it, allowing the energy to be released into the Universe to be manifest.  Or you might conduct a ritual at a specific time (maybe the new moon).  Perhaps you create a symbol to represent your heart’s desire and place it somewhere with special significance.  Or maybe you repeat powerful words to manifest your desire.

You may even do them all together.

Weird and whacky?  Definitely!  But effective, why not?  Not when you consider what you’re actually doing when you are “casting a spell”.

• The preparation and sitting quietly allows you to remove yourself from the activity of your life, to connect with your feelings, to allow a greater balance between your conscious and unconscious mind and to turn your undivided attention to your objective.
• The ritual that usually goes with a spell is a signal to your unconscious mind that it needs to pay attention.  It also normally involves some kind of physical activity which helps to connect you to your heart’s desire in both mind and body.
• Taking time to cast a spell also forces you to focus exclusively on your heart’s desire – what you want, rather than what you don’t want.  You’ve set aside a time, specifically for this and for those moments, your heart’s desire is the sole focus of your attention.
• Normally spells require that you symbolically let go of your desire – writing it down and burning it, letting go of sky lanterns, throwing coins into fountains.  This detachment from the outcome is an essential part of manifesting your heart’s desire – holding onto things too tightly stifles the energy required to create it.
• The whole process is one huge symbol, a metaphore that your unconscious mind will find easy to relate to – and getting pregnant is an unconscious act, so you really do want your unconscious mind in on the act.
• Spells help to build belief.  After all, it’s unlikely that you’ll go through all the motions of the ritual required by your spell if you don’t believe it might work – even the benefit of the doubt could be enough the tip the balance in your favour – the more likely you will get to that place where you believe it WILL work.

So do spells work?  Well you never know …….

Want an example of a fertility spell?  Join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club and you’ll find a fertility spell posted for you to try, and you’ll also get to connect (in a private group) with other women who are on the same baby-making path and want to give and get support to stay sane and positive.

Are You In Two Minds About Getting Pregnant?

Could you be in two minds about getting pregnant?

What you desire on a conscious level, and what your mind is programmed to create on an unconscious level may be at odds with each other.

Sometimes your unconscious mind can sabotage your best efforts, so it’s important to be absolutely clear about a few things:

1.   What do you want?

Be specific and say it in the positive (what you want, rather than what you don’t want).

2.   What’s preventing you from getting it?

Take the first thing that comes up.  This really is a question for the unconscious mind, so your first, most instinctive response is likely to be the most accurate – regardless of how absurd.

Now, I know many of you will be saying “I don’t know” when you answer this question … but if you did know, what would you say?

3.   What would it mean to you to have a baby?

Again, be specific and positive.  Write to down, daydream about it.  Imagine it as if it were really happening now.

4.   What will you have to give up in order to have a baby and what impact will that have on your life?

Be very honest here, because a conflict between what you have now and what you may have to give up, in order to have a baby, may be stopping you on an unconscious level.

Imagine your life as it would be once you’ve had your baby and given up your existing lifestyle – is it OK? Really?  What bits of your present life are you going to miss most?

And when I talk about what you have to give up, I’m not just talking about “stuff” – a bursting wardrobe, luxury holidays, lunches with friends, favourite indulgences (if you’re lucky enough to have them)  – I’m also talking about career aspirations; time; control; how you define yourself; your existing relationships, your belief system, etc.

However you are placed work and money wise, something will have to change when the baby comes.  Is that OK?  Really?

It’s important when you want something, to be congruent, to have all of you – mind, body, emotions, behaviour and spirit – all moving towards your desire.

So, how do you know if your unconscious mind is sabotaging your efforts?  You can be aware of your behaviour – if what you DO is likely to get different results from what you WANT, then that’s likely to be self-sabotage.  For example, if you know you need to reduce your stress levels, but you continue to work mad hours, or you don’t take time out to relax, then you’re not being congruent.

Take care of yourself and pay attention to what you do.  Your actions need to be consistent with your desires.

Join the FREE Baby Making Mindset Club https://www.facebook.com/groups/freeBMMclub/– it’s a private facebook group that lets you share, support, moan and generally get support on your baby making journey.  And you get free tips and hints on how to even out the emotional highs and lows.

The most common cause of infertility is unexplained infertility, accounting as it does for around 30% of infertility problems. Unexplained infertility means that, after investigations, doctors cannot find any medical problem causing infertility.  Is it driving you mad, not knowing what might be stopping you from conceiving?

You’ve been to the doctor, submitted to all the tests (which may have taken an age to organise), and still you don’t know why you’re not getting pregnant.  By now you may have convinced yourself that if you’re not getting pregnant then there must be something wrong.  Maybe the doctors just haven’t found it!

You go on-line and search for anything that might account for the fact that you’re not getting pregnant.  And of course, hormones are not the body’s most consistent, reliable and easily tracked function, so that increases the guesswork and uncertainty.  A few months of trying to find an explanation of why you’re not getting pregnant, and you may have convinced yourself that there is something really wrong that the doctors just haven’t found yet.  You may even have decided for yourself what that might be.

But have you considered that there may be nothing wrong?

If you’re under (or around) 35, healthy, and have had no history of menstrual problems, then it’s just as likely that there’s nothing wrong, than that you have some undiagnosed problem.  What may be happening is that you’re getting yourself into a state, which causes you to feel more worried and out of sorts physically and emotionally.  Your mind is focusing on what you don’t want – not being pregnant or having an undiagnosed problem – and that’s what you’re getting.  You worry that time is running out and that increases your levels of anxiety, creating an unhealthy internal environment which may knock your hormones out of kilter.

The thing about unexplained infertility is that it’s “unexplained”.  You don’t know and your doctor hasn’t been able to find a reason.  Trying to find a reason (when there may not be one) is likely to get you very stressed.

If you’ve walked this path, I’d ask you to consider the possibility that there may be nothing wrong (even after 5 or more years of trying).  You don’t have to believe it, just consider the possibility – what if there is nothing wrong?  What if you just require to be even more patient?

Could you perhaps give yourself permission to accept that there might not be an answer as to why you’re not getting pregnant yet?  It may not be an easy thing to do, especially if you’re someone who likes certainty and closure, but striving to find an answer to a problem that may not be a problem, will drive you round the bend.

Can you see how, trying to find an answer to a problem that might not exist, is not the most rational approach. If you’re on this roundabout, it’s because you’re driven by an emotional need to know WHY.  You’re likely to spend a lot of time and attention focusing on potential problems and that focus is actually taking you away from what you actually want.

Could you instead, turn your attention to WHAT you want – it might help you to feel less anxious and more in control.

Good luck and if you’d like to join a community of women who are supporting each other though the emotional ups and downs of their fertility journey check out the Baby Making Mindset Club.

It’s inevitable that trying to conceive will involve some measure of disappointment, because only 20% of couples are likely to conceive on the first attempt.  And the more months that pass with you not becoming pregnant, the more disappointed and dispirited you may become.  It’s difficult to ignore or escape from the disappointment, because there’s a monthly reminder that you’re not where you’d most love to be.  So how do you deal with disappointment?  Here are a few tips. 

• Have realistic expectations.  If you’re under 35, give yourself a year to get pregnant before you begin to think there may be anything amiss.  It really can take some couples some time to conceive, even if they’re trying really hand, paying attention to timing, etc.  Don’t give yourself a hard time, don’t panic, and trust that the odds are on your side.  If you’re over 35, give yourself six months before you think about seeing your GP.
• Don’t take it personally.  The fact that it may be taking you a while to get pregnant is a fact of nature, not a cause for blame or recrimination.  Everyone’s different, so don’t compare yourself to others.
• Be patient.  Park any worries or anxieties you may have – decide on a date for action if you haven’t become pregnant and until then, just let go of your thoughts of getting pregnant and focus on something else.
• Rest.  If you do get your period, give yourself permission to rest and nurture and preserve your energy.
• Think about renewal.  Menstruation is a time of cleansing in preparation for renewal.  By day 5 of your cycle the endometrium is 2mm thick.  This new growth takes energy, so give yourself time during menstruation to retreat and allow your body to regenerate.
• Accept.  Recognise and accept the changes.  Allow yourself, if you can, to release the hope and expectation that your last period raised. It’s natural and human to be disappointed when your period arrives, but holding onto that disappointment blocks the influx of new hope.
• Be hopeful.  A new cycle brings renewed hope and anticipation.  There’s nothing wrong with being hopeful, provided you don’t hold onto that hope too tightly.

Think about holding onto your desire to get pregnant lightly and hopefully.  Too much intensity of emotion about your desires can be counter-productive: when we hold our desires too tightly, we stop them gathering energy and creating form.

Now, it you’re trying to conceive, none of the above suggestions are easy to do.  Pick one and work with it until you can be comfortable that you’ve mastered it and then you can move onto another to practice.  As you work your way through the list, you’ll find that it becomes easier, regardless of where you’ve started.

Good luck and if you’d like to join a community of women who are supporting each other though the emotional ups and downs of their fertility journey, check out the Baby Making Mindset Club.